BREAKING: FED CUTS RATES TO -5%
CONGRESS VOTES TO BAN RED CANDLES +++ FED DEPLOYS UNLIMITED QE FOR RETAIL TRADERS +++ "STONKS ONLY GO UP" NOW OFFICIAL POLICY +++ SEC: "WE DON'T KNOW WHAT SHORTING IS" +++ TARIFFS ON CHARTS THAT GO DOWN +++ ELON TWEETS SINGLE EMOJI, RALLY 40% +++ GOLDMAN INTERN CAUGHT USING GODCANDLE +++ MONEY PRINTER GO BRRR NOW FED POLICY +++ LOSING MONEY NOW ILLEGAL +++